So I've been in California for a week now and I have to say that it is such an odd feeling being back in the states after being gone for a year. I think what is most interesting are the things that I have had to readjust to. The readjustment began the moment I got off the plane; no more Croatian and no more hearing English with an accent.
My younger brother picked me up from the airport. It was so good to see him after a year. He has changed a lot and it was nice talking to him on our drive back to Sacramento. Of course, the drive itself was interesting. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had driven on a road with multiple lanes. I seriously freaked out. I kept yelling at my brother to watch the road and anytime a car came near us, I yelled, "Car!" Which only scared the shit out of my brother. I was holding on to the handles and glove box for dear life. At one point my brother told me to just push the seat back and get some rest, but I couldn't do it. I was too freaked out. Imagine the worst back seat driver you've ever driven with and multiply that by ten. That's how bad I was. I was fine after a day, but man was I scared.
Once I started driving, I kept having to remember which law goes with which country. It was like a little game show going on in my head. Can I turn on red or do I have to wait? In Croatia, you can't turn on a red, in California you can. Do my headlights have to be on at all times?
There have been simple things that I had to readjust to as well. I was at the store with my sister and actually asked her if we could get everything we need or did we have to go to another store to get the rest of the ingredients. Of course we can get everything we need at one store! This is America! Are things open past 8pm? Yes. Are they open on Sundays? Yes.
And then of course, the food. I have spent the last week enjoying food that I can't get in Dubrovnik. I had Mongolian BBQ, In n Out Burger, Jack's Urban Eats, Recess Peanut Butter Cups, M&Ms...all of which have been delicious. I allowed myself the first week to indulge in that stuff, now I'm back to my regular diet. I know that if I'm not careful, instead of a one way ticket back to Croatia, it will be straight to fat camp for me. What can I say, I'm about to be 30, I have to be more careful these days.
I have surprised myself at things that I do, that I never even thought of. I was standing in line and totally forgot that people here like their personal space. So as I was waiting in line I walked up and stood really close to the person in front of me. She moved up so I moved up. It took me a couple of minutes and a dirty look to remember where I was and take a step back. Then there's the whole crossing the street thing. In Croatia, a pedestrian will stop traffic crossing the street. They don't care if there is no cross walk, they will cross and expect you to stop. I kept wanting to do that here, but, as I was reminded, that's not how it works here. Cars aren't expected to stop just because you want to cross the street.
Finally, the things that I never thought I'd miss, I actually do. I have made many comments on how the men in Croatia will just stop and stare as a woman walks by. It's hilarious and creepy all at the same time, yet I find myself missing that. I walk down the street here and no one is blatantly staring at me. awwww. There are no motorbikes here, no streets lined with cafe bars. People aren't sitting there, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes all day. No cousin to see who offers me wine and Rakija the moment I sit down.
I knew that there would be things that I would have to adjust to but I didn't realize just how much. I am happy to be around my family and friends again. I love that I get to spend time with my siblings and be around for dinners and talks. It's a great feeling to know that I could get into my car and see my sister and brothers at anytime or any day. Yet, I also realize that I have changed a lot and I'm trying to fit the new me into an old life and it's not always easy. It feels like my heart is being pulled into two different directions: My love for my family and friends in California and my love for my life over in Croatia. It should be an interesting few months...
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