Living in Croatia, I feel like I get a lot more pressure to settle down and get married. I think that it is more common for women to get married in their early twenties. I'm nearly 30 and no where near getting married. I don't even have a boyfriend! It makes me laugh because friends will say to me, "You're going to get married next!" I'm not sure how that is possible since I need to be dating someone in order to get to the marriage talk.
So why am I not in a relationship? It's not that I can't find a guy to be with here and it's not like I haven't been dating because I have. I have been out on dates and I have had some really good times, yet no one has really convinced me that I should give up my single ways in favor of a relationship. It's not their fault really. I make sure that they can't. In fact, the last thing that I want is someone falling in love with me and me breaking their heart. For those who are closest to me, it's no secret that I went through a very difficult break up and feeling the pain of a broken heart is not something that I would ever wish upon anyone. So, I figure, until I know for sure that I am ready to do the whole relationship thing, I purposely stay away from men who are looking to for a girlfriend. It's pretty easy for me too. When I go out with someone who is really cool or someone that I really like, I just find something that I don't like and focus on that. "He's a great guy. He has everything going for him, a job, a house, good head on his shoulders, good looking, but the other night I noticed that he had a mole on his arm and that will never do." Or "I like him, but his eyes are too close together." Or "He has a stray hair on his head and I will never be OK with that." Yup, it's that simple for me.
I think I'm just in that mode of wanting to enjoy the life that I have made for myself. I made my bed and I desperately want to lie in it for a while. I've been single for nearly two years now. The first year really sucked because of the whole broken heart thing and hating every couple on the planet. Now, I feel like I have really come into my own and am loving every single minute of it. I'm doing the things that I want to do and not worrying about anyone else but myself. As someone who is really good at devoting herself to the one she loves, it's been great fun finally loving myself and who I am and making no apologies for it.
At the end of the day, I will settle down eventually. In fact, I have met a couple of guys that I would give up my single life for, but because I know that, I keep them at a distance or push them away. Maybe I'm scared of giving that much of myself again to someone else. Or maybe I'm just not ready to be in a relationship yet. I don't know, but what I do know is, I am having a lot of fun!
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